this one thing that all children excel at
photo: Krzysztof Hawrot
What is it that makes us mature human beings? Is it about being balanced, self-motivated, growing more conscious, having many perspectives, being able to accept and embrace the inevitable or uncertain?
Admittedly, witnessing my son growing up taught me a great deal about maturity. And it showed me that maturity, much like intelligence, has many dimensions.
In his theory on multiple intelligences, Harvard scholar Howard Gardner identifies eight of them: spatial, bodily-kinesthetic, musical, linguistic, logical-mathematical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, and naturalistic.
How about types of maturity? There is surely physical and cognitive maturation. We could add to that social and emotional one. Children have a lot of work to do to acquire those. Actually, many of us grow into adulthood without ever developing certain dimensions of maturity. Robert Bly wrote that "People don't bother to grow up, and we are all fish swimming in a tank of half adults."
Still, getting to know my kid from day one, I quickly realized that he was already born as a competent and whole human being. I can’t even begin describing how much I have been learning from him. About vulnerability, his relationship to here and now, joyfulness, curiosity, trust. The list could go on and on.
Among various layers of maturity, there is one area where children start as adepts. Well, maybe “maturity” is not the best word here since, by definition, it is an outcome of a longer process. Let’s say that they are born with this natural state which they then usually grow out of (with the unfortunate help of their carers and societies). For a lack of a better word, let me call it spiritual capacities. By this I mean:
- living in the moment, opening fully to it
- being able to react instantaneously and genuinely to any external stimulus
- and having a non-transactional relationship with reality.
This is not how we, adults, operate. All too often our life force is spent dwelling on the past or the future. We lose freshness and simple appreciation. We suppress our true expression, mix it up with residues from the past, model our responses to achieve hidden interests or adapt them to cover our deficiencies. Everything we do has to be pragmatically oriented.
Children’s reality, on the other hand, means being veraciously and gratuitously curious, completely present, and fully responsive.
We have an unspoken deal with my son. He teaches me how to become spiritually mature again, and I do my best not to un-teach him that innate gift.
