identity management
painting: Joanna Kniaź-Hawrot
I’m French. I live for my children. I’m a scientist. I’m a woman. I’m John Kowalski. I’m a failure.
We all have something that we strongly identify with. And yet, many spiritual traditions teach that identity is a source of suffering.
If I was to ponder why, here’s what comes to mind:
i) Because of the transient nature of everything, sooner or later we will lose whatever we identify with. And the more we cling to it, the more it will hurt (or already does, because we suffer by anticipation). The most poignant example might be that of living only for our children and then losing our ground when they are no longer around.
ii) The stronger we identify with something in particular, the more we separate ourselves from the rest. Let’s take the nation as an example. The more one leans towards nationalism, the more hostile he/she might be towards other countries. Religion fits here too – we have seen far too many religion-motivated wars and personal conflicts.
iii) Labels take us away from understanding who we are most deeply. There is a Zen saying: “Don’t seek the truth; just drop your opinions”. So we can look for important insights by eliminating all that we were fed with by society, by peeling off identities. What a great lead!
iv) We are multidimensional beings with many needs relating to our body, mind, spirit and relationships. If my identity is mainly fed by a pursuit of a perfect body or a first-class intellect, other critical areas might fall out of balance. I reduce myself.
There can be many approaches to “identity management”. And frankly, unless we are monks with a life-long practice, it’s not like we will ever get close to living identity-free lives. But here is one method that could loosen us up:
Every financial advisor will tell you to diversify your assets and investments.
What about diversifying our identity?
Take a closer look at a couple of things you identify with very strongly.
Say you are a fierce patriot. The best way to work on that is to start visiting other countries and learn to appreciate diversity.
A yogi? Have fun trying callisthenics.
A thinker, measuring everything with the intellect? Look for opportunities to feel more.
We can try to diminish our main identities directly. Or, we can lose them up using diversification. Whatever the methods are, it’s worth the effort. It can help us with breaking free from fear, bring a sense of liberation, lightness, ease, interconnectedness. And we can get to know better who we really are by peeling off what’s external and temporary.
